I always say, do what gives you energy. Stop doing what costs energy. Easier said than done of course, I know all about that. For too long I have had people around me who disrupted my energy and thought that was completely normal. Through their own energy, but also through expectations of me. Do you know what and/or who costs you energy? Subconsciously you probably have an idea.

Do you listen to your instincts and first impressions, even if they are not always logical or rational. Your sixth sense often communicates through subtle feelings, images or thoughts.

During the corona period, I stopped organizing events for women in the field of spiritual development at my home. Something I had been doing for 16 years. I had been feeling for a while that the energy was changing. There were too many people involved who were a burden to me, which had caused me to experience stress for quite some time. In that respect, corona came at the right time for me. I no longer had to start up the events after corona, I was allowed to let go. And that had a positive effect on my energy, because I encountered fewer stressful situations. I no longer had to be in contact with some people or address them about their behavior and I got the peace I longed for.

The difference between people who are a support or a burden lies mainly in their behavior and influence on others.

• Supportive people help and support others in a positive way. They offer emotional, practical or mental help, listen well and help solve problems. Their presence makes life easier or more pleasant for others.

• People who are a burden actually cause stress or discomfort. They can unconsciously or consciously drain energy, for example by constantly asking for help without giving anything back, spreading negativity or burdening others with their problems without taking into account the feelings or boundaries of others.

In essence, it is about the effect that someone has on their environment: does that person contribute to the well-being of others, or does he take up energy and space without giving anything valuable in return?

To protect yourself from people who are a nuisance, you can employ a number of strategies. Here are some ways to safeguard your own well-being:

1. Set clear boundaries: Be assertive and communicate clearly what you will and will not accept. If someone asks too much or drains your energy, state where your boundaries are and stick to them.

2. Learn to say “no”: It is important to be able to say “no” without feeling guilty when someone asks too much of you. You have the right to protect your time and energy.

3. Limit your contact: If someone is consistently having a negative effect on you, consider spending less time with that person. This can be temporary or permanent, depending on the situation.

4. Stay calm and objective: Don't get caught up in their drama or negativity. Stay rational and try to maintain emotional distance.

5. Take care of yourself: Make sure you take care of your own mental and physical well-being. Things like getting rest, spending time with positive people, and maintaining healthy habits will help you deal with difficult people better.

6. Seek support from others: Share your experiences with someone you trust. This can help you process your feelings and gain new insights into how to deal with the situation.

7. Avoid conflict when possible: Try to avoid discussions or confrontations if you feel that they will not yield much. Instead, focus on protecting your own peace and energy.

By using these techniques, you can protect yourself from people who burden you emotionally or practically, without sacrificing your own well-being.

There is a simple exercise you can do to gain insight into which people in your life are supportive and which may be a burden. This exercise will help you become aware of the impact of different relationships on your energy and well-being. Follow the steps below:

Exercise: Energy Evaluation of Relationships

Step 1: Create two columns

Take a piece of paper or open a document and create two columns:

• In the left column you write “To support”

• In the right column you write “Tot last”

Step 2: Reflect on your relationships

Think about the people you interact with on a regular basis: friends, family, coworkers, etc. Write down their names.

Step 3: Evaluate the energy you gain or lose

For each person, ask yourself the following questions:

• How do I feel after an interaction with this person? Do I feel energized and positive, or drained and negative?

• Does this person provide emotional support or constantly ask for help without giving anything in return?

• Can I be myself around this person, or will I always feel on guard or uncomfortable?

• Does this person encourage my growth and happiness, or does he/she hinder it?

Based on these reflections, place their names in the column you feel is appropriate: “Supporting” if you are experiencing predominantly positive energy, or “Burdening” if the relationship is causing predominantly negative energy or stress.

Step 4: Analyze the balance sheet

Look at your list and see if there is a pattern. Do you have more people who support you or more people who drain your energy? This insight can help you determine where to set boundaries, where to focus more energy, and which relationships may need attention or change.

Step 5: Action Plan

Now that you've taken stock:

• Strengthen the relationships that support you: Schedule more time with these people and appreciate the positive influence they have on you.

• Set boundaries for burdensome relationships: Consider how you can limit or improve your interactions with these people by setting boundaries or spending less time with them.

Optional step:

You can extend the exercise by thinking about how you contribute to the relationships. You may discover patterns in your own behavior that can help others, or that can be difficult. This helps to create more balance in your relationships. Are you a support or a burden?

Realize in your own behavior that being a burden only really happens when you structurally disregard others and their boundaries. You can be strong in your emotions without this necessarily being a problem, as long as there is mutual understanding and respect. The most important thing is that you listen well to feedback, but also allow yourself to take up space when necessary. If all goes well, you can do this with people you feel safe and comfortable with. In practice, this can cause a lot of stress if you find it exciting to speak out with people you do not trust or with whom you do not feel safe, and certainly with those who structurally disregard you. These people in particular can make you feel like you are the problem and a burden to them. Then it is a matter of continuing to persevere and continuing to practice with the information shared above. And consciously seeking moments of rest each time. You are training yourself and finding rest is also very important. Rest is so important when you are suffering from stress.

So I ask you to make a mood board. Show in images what peace means to you. If you don't have any experience with that yet, it's best to make a few to practice. Take a few magazines and cut out pictures and words that appeal to you. Everything related to the feeling that peace will give you.

Glue everything on a large sheet of paper and hang it somewhere where you can see it clearly.

So that you are constantly reminded in your mind of the change that you want to make happen. What do you need?