Do you recognize it? Negative thoughts. Limiting beliefs. This way you can be really convinced that he can NOT do something. Or that a situation will NEVER change.

I grew up with the belief that I could NOT do all sorts of things instead of learning them. That has to do with my personality type, but also definitely with my upbringing and education.

So I kept track of my thoughts during the day for a while and I was shocked at how negatively I thought about myself. That really touched my heart, to come back to question 3. The head and heart are so connected to each other. Especially in times when I was really bothered by a person or situation, I closed my heart so as not to be affected, which meant that the energy in me could not flow properly. Compare it to a garden hose with a kink in it. But because of that I also broke off contact with people, which seemed easier. Until I became aware that I could positively influence my thoughts, which also made my energy flow nicely again. So I sometimes put on music, meditated, went for a run, but the biggest change started when I learned to literally shift my gaze. Instead of thinking about that person who caused negative thoughts to come up, or a situation, I started looking around me at people and things that made me very happy and joyful. And there are more than enough of them. My heart then starts to flow and the thoughts change immediately. I cannot change that person or the situation, but I can influence my own thoughts. That is also always the result when I worked or work with women who want to change. In the first conversation it is always about others, or unpleasant situations, never about themselves. And in the last session they have learned to talk mainly about themselves, what is going well, what is nice and what makes them happy. It is actually quite strange that we are taught to talk about others as we grow up and have so little opportunity to talk about our own feelings and especially to reflect on them. Many people find it difficult to look at themselves honestly. In the now, but also while growing up. Our thoughts are still determined every day by what we were taught as a child, in a positive and negative sense.

Healing your inner child is therefore an important process to address and integrate old pain, traumas and unprocessed emotions from your childhood. It is about acknowledging, embracing and healing the parts of yourself that were once hurt. Which will also change your thoughts. Here are some steps that can help you in this process:

1. Recognize and acknowledge your inner child

It starts with realizing that your inner child exists. This is the part of you that still carries the thoughts, emotions and beliefs of your childhood. Take the time to recognize and acknowledge this part of yourself, and try to empathize with how you felt as a child.

2. Reflect on your childhood

Look back on your childhood and the experiences that influenced you. Write about your memories and try to identify situations that hurt you or where you felt unseen or unheard. Journaling or meditation can help to bring these experiences to the surface.

3. Talk to your inner child

Visualize your inner child and imagine yourself having a conversation with it. Ask what it needs and listen without judgment. For example, you can use phrases like, “I see you,” “I’m sorry you were hurt,” or “You are safe now.”

4. Work on self-compassion

Many people have an inner critic who criticizes their inner child. Learn to look at yourself with gentleness and compassion, especially the parts of yourself that are vulnerable and afraid. By cultivating self-compassion, you give your inner child the love and safety it needs.

5. Recognize old patterns

Often as adults we react from the survival mechanisms we developed as children. Recognize in which situations you are triggered and act from old pain. By breaking these patterns, you can develop new, healthier ways of responding.

6. Write a letter to your inner child

A powerful practice is to write a letter to your inner child, offering love, comfort and support. This can be a healing way to release the pain of the past and give yourself the care you needed at the time.

7. Seek support

Sometimes it can be difficult to do this process alone. It can be helpful to work with a therapist or coach who specializes in inner child work. They can guide you through working through trauma and learning techniques to heal your inner child.

8. Create fun and playfulness

One way to nurture your inner child is to make room for playfulness, creativity and fun in your life. Do things you enjoyed as a child, such as drawing, dancing or playing outside. This will help you reconnect with the joyful side of your inner child.

By following these steps, you can connect more deeply with yourself and bring healing to the parts of you that are still stuck in old pain, which is what the next question is about.

But before we move on to the next question, write down a day where your thoughts go. Then put it away and look at it a week later. Do the same thoughts still play? Do you recognize that thoughts from a year ago, five years ago no longer apply? I invite you to find space for yourself and not let thoughts determine your day. Write down regularly what you think and check a day after or a week after what happened to your thoughts. We all often make thoughts bigger than they are. Make them small and less important.